The Trying to Conceive and Just Starting Out Primer

This is a "primer" created by Krista (Rudylover) and posted by Jennifer (Tigger062077). We made this as a source of information for the "newbies" who are afraid to ask a "silly question"...and for the "oldies" who have been doing this so long they've forgotten the basics.

If you want to reach us, you can reach Jennifer at tess_2k2@hotmail.com and Krista at rudylover_1999@yahoo.com.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Comebacks for Annoying TTC comments

"You just need to relax! You worry about this too much."

1. You can get pregnant during a rape! You can get pregnant from your abusive boyfriend/husband. You can get pregnant in jail. You can get pregnant while you're being molested by a relative. You can get pregnant in Somalia or India. Tell me about my stressful life now!

2. If I were any more relaxed, I'd be COMATOSE!

3. Do you think relaxing cures cancer or any other disease? Then why do you think it would cure the diseases that cause fertility problems?

4. You worry about money too much. You need to quit your job and go relax on a beach for 3 months, the money will just come to you!

5. I AM RELAXED, DAMMIT!

6. Gee, I hadn't thought of that! You mean relaxing will make my husband start producing sperm? Is that going to unblock my tube?

7. Have you found that most difficulties in your life have been overcome by relaxing or by taking action?

8. I was relaxed for the first year and a half we were trying, but it didn’t work, so I gave it up.

9. Why do you feel threatened by me being proactive?

10. And here I was thinking we just needed to have sex. THANKS!

11. Stress doesn't cause infertility - infertility causes stress.

12. You try staying calm while your husband gives you a shot in the butt.

13. You try staying calm when you have five pelvic exams a month.

14. I am relaxed… except when people make stupid comments.

15. We already tried that method, now we're trying something different.

"So when are you two planning to start a family?"

1. We are a family.

2. We already are a family, it just has two people in it.

3. So, when are you planning on minding your own business?

4. When the egg and sperm decide to do a tango.

5. About 3 years ago!

6. We are planning to start a family, and we've certainly been doing our part!

7. We're way past the planning stage, we've already contracted with professionals.

8. ASAP. When are you going to have liposuction/plastic surgery?

"What do you want a baby for, anyway?"

1. For tax purposes, of course.

2. So that there will be someone to laugh at all the nasty comments I make about you behind your back.

3. Well, the dogs seem to have turned out well...

4. What bothers you so much about me wanting a baby?

5. What do most people want a baby for?

6. Because we need someone to help us tend the farm… Duh!

"It’s God’s will…"

1. Every woman in the bible who was childless and wanted a baby gave birth!

2. If it weren't His will, then we wouldn't have body parts that fit together.

3. It IS God's will that we have a baby. The bible says: Go forth and multiply.

4. Do you have a direct phone line to God?

5. Who died and made you God?

6. Sounds like you don't want us to have a baby.

7. Is it God's will that drug addicts have babies too?

8. Finally, someone who understands God’s plan… Since you understand it, why don’t you just explain it to me?

9. Do you really believe that God plans for suffering?

"You want kids? You can take mine!"

1. You mean you really hate them that much?

2. I've already tried the lease-to-own option (i.e. babysitting), this time I want the tag & title option.

3. (very earnestly) Oh, that's wonderful! I'd love to have them! When can I take them? I'll have to clean out the spare bedroom.

4. Gee, I hope they don’t know you feel that way about them.

5. No, thanks. I plan to have much nicer children than yours.

"Well, I know its none of my business, but are you sure you're doing everything right?

1. Why? Do you want to show us how it's done? (accompanied with a leer)

2. Oh, you mean he has to put it inside of me?

3. Well, we got this book… I admit, it’s a bit confusing… but I think we’ve got it down pretty well… Tab A goes into Slot B, right?

4. Lemme guess, you’re offering private lessons, right?

5. You’re right! It isn't!